As many of you know, my Shiloh is getting old. She will be 13 in January. I thought she was 13 already but when I actually did the math, I had aged her an extra year.
She is having a really hard time with her hips. It takes her a lot of effort to get up and down from a sitting or laying position and she is falling more often.
A couple of weeks ago, it was getting really bad and it happened really fast. She was our sweet old yellow dog one day and the next, Shawn had to carry her down the backstairs so she could go potty. Even the potty position was hurting her. You could see her legs shaking as they tried to hold her weight.
My heart was breaking.
And so was Katie's. One day, Katie spent most of day fighting tears and having to "hide" in the bathroom so she could regain her composure before coming out and cuddling with her dog. Because let's face it. Shiloh is hers. We all love her. We all care for her. But Shiloh has a special bond with Katie.
Shawn and I even had the difficult conversation on if it was time to say good-bye. We didn't mention anything to the kids because we, the adults, had to come to terms with it as well. But even without talking to the kids yet, the sadness was felt. The whole house was mourning for our precious companion and she wasn't even gone yet.
I decided to break up some of my pain medication that I have for my back and share with her. I know this is not good for her, but I couldn't handle seeing her in such a state. I just needed her to be in a little less pain until we could put her down. Even if it killed her liver, at least she wouldn't be hurting so much. It seemed like the humane thing to do.
Amazingly, it worked. She was a little more like herself the next day. I started having hope. Maybe it isn't her time. I struggle with these thoughts because I don't want to be one of those people who let them suffer for my own selfish needs. But I don't know how to play God. I am a mere mortal and have no divine powers of mind-reading or anything else that would help make these decisions any easier.
The next day I called our vet. I explained how much pain she was in. The only answer was to double her pain medication. Shiloh has been on a pain medicine for a few years now. It was advised to give her a dose in the morning and then one again in the afternoon. If that didn't help, we would have to come in to discuss "other options".
Shawn and I discussed it again and we decided we were going to try whatever we could to make her comfortable. And we agreed on doubling her pain meds.
We also blocked the downstairs with a baby gate. As mentioned above, Katie and Shiloh have a bond and Katie's room is downstairs. And not only that, but the basement is the only carpeted floors in the house. So Shiloh likes to spend a lot of time down there. But those stairs are horrible on her hips. If she were to fall down, I don't have the strength necessary to pick her up and bring her back up. As emotionally painful as it is to block those stairs for her, it was the right thing to do.
The other obstacle was the back porch. Those stairs are just as hard even though there are only a few. And with winter coming, it is going to be even harder. We struggled with building her a ramp because if she isn't going to be with us much longer it is a lot of work for nothing. And then we realized it wasn't for nothing. Shiloh has been a part of our family for 13 years. She has been a good dog and deserves it. As does Katie. Katie needed that ramp just as much as Shiloh. She needed to know that she was worth it.
So we decided that whether Shiloh was with us for another week or another year, we were going to put up the ramp off the back porch.
It took a little time and effort. But my husband is amazing. He had to extend it out further than he wanted because it was too steep, but I think he did an amazing job!
Shiloh was reluctant at first. She was scared, dug her feet down and wouldn't budge. But Katie was patient with her and everyday has been walking up and down with her. After a few days, Shiloh was less reluctant and would approach the ramp by herself but would stop before going down and look at Katie as if asking if Katie would please go with her. Katie understood the looks and would get up from whatever she was doing and would walk with her dog down the ramp and wait for her to walk back up.
Now Shiloh is walking down by herself but we have had to block the stairway because habit still has her attempting the stairs even though you can see the pain in each step as she tries.
It's been about a week now with these few changes and we can see a big difference in Shiloh's quality of life again. She will never be a young pup again. She is still an old lady. But she is falling less and she doesn't seem to be hurting as much. She does spend a lot of time laying down though. I think it's the combination of the pain meds and the pain itself. But she doesn't seem to be hurting like she was. I don't know if it is wishful thinking but I think she might be around to ring in the New Year with us!
I love you, Shiloh.
EDIT:
I realized I didn't add a picture of Katie and her dog.
This is how these two spend most of their time these days.
